Who's the Fool here!

Abeg my people, who be the fool for here?

Mental Patient Pilot

A plane was carrying mental patients who were making lot of noise, one patient pops into the cockpit and orders the pilots to teach him to fly a plane.

PILOT: yes we will but on a condition that u tell your friends to keep quiet, off he goes and after a short while everywhere became quiet 

And he came back, "teach me now" he said, amazed the pilots asked "but how did u manage to silence your friends?" 

PATIENT: I've opened the door for them to go and play out side.

The Farmer and the Lawyer

A lawyer went hunting in a nearby village. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, I'm going into retrieve it." 
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." 
The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in this country. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything! 
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here . We settle small disagreements like this with the Three-Kick Rule." 
The lawyer asked, "What is the three-Kick Rule?" 
The Farmer replied. "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up." 
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old farmer. He agreed to abide by the local custom. 
The old farmer slowly walked up to the lawyer. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees. His second kick nearly wiped the man's nose off his face. The barrister was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up. 
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old farmer, now it's my turn." 
The farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck."

Hippo Reminder

Mum: Ofego why did you slap Tejiri this morning?
Akpos: She called me an hippopotamus two years ago.
Mum: (Surprised) You just said two years ago so why slap her today?
Akpos: Because I just saw an hippopotamus yesterday.

Akpos and Geography

The geography teacher of SS 1 class was teaching map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes he asked, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?". 

After a confused silence, Akpos replied, "I guess you would be eating alone!".

Phone Number Swag

A guy ask a girl for her phone number. The girl pulled out a N1000 note from her purse, wrote her number on it and gave the guy the note.

Not to be undone, the guy collected the note, tore out the part that had the number and threw the other part away...

Who got more swag between the two of them? The girl or the boy?

Train Signalman - Akpos!

Akpos is applying for a job as a signalman for the local railroad and is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. 
The inspector decides to give Akpos a pop quiz, asking: "What would you do if you
realized that two trains were heading towards each other on the same track?"
Akpos says: "I would switch one train to another track."
"What if the lever broke?" asks the inspector.
"Then I'd run down to the tracks and use the
manual lever down there", answers Akpos.
"What if that had been struck by lightning?" challenges the inspector.
"Then," Akpos continued, "I'd run back up here and use the phone to call the next signal box."
"What if the phone was busy?"
"In that case," Akpos argued, "I'd run to the street level and use the public phone near the station".
"What if that had been vandalized?"
"Oh well," said Akpos, "in that case I would run into town and get my Brother Ofego".
This puzzled the inspector, so he asked, "Why would you do that?"
"Because he's never seen a train crash."